Yankees Allow Mustaches, But Announce Strict New Policy Requiring Shaved Genitals

Brazilian waxes all around!

Brazilian waxes all around, fellas! Don’t worry, it only hurts like hell.

Back when the late George Steinbrenner was at the helm in New York, arbitrarily barking out orders from a makeshift thrown day and night, the Yankees were known to have very strict policies on personal grooming. Remember when Johnny Damon had to cut his beautiful hair, which turned out to be the source of all his powers.

And poor Wade Boggs had to shave his sideburns—not even for Steinbrenner, but someone he carried less disdain for.

Though the mandate was often portrayed as tyrannical, probably because it was handed down by an actual tyrant, it seems the Yanks rules for heat hair are a bit more reasonable than previously believed. While long hair and beards are still out of the question, as it turns out, hair hair that falls above the lip is allowed.

A serious loophole in the policy that, until recently, had not been truly exploited. There may be no beards in the Bronx, such crass things are off-limits, but apparently it’s always open season on nasty dirt ‘staches! Because if there’s anything more dignified than a beard, it’s a really weird mustache.

These days most men steer clear of the ‘stache. We’re not living in 1979, when the mustache was king and disco would never die. Today mustaches are seen as skeevy and tend to creep people out, unless we’re talking about those idiot hipsters that have them ironically, which we obviously are not.

That being said, this season the Yankees have been taking liberties where they can be found when it comes to facial hair, meaning the whole damn team has been growing mustaches and are starting to look like extras from Joe Dirt 2. (Please say Joe Dirt 2 isn’t a real thing.)

The boys in pinstripes might be liking their new creepier look, not to mention the winning streak that seems to have come along for one helluva a mustache ride, but don’t let you think for a moment Hal and Hank Steinbrenner have gone soft on the issue of body hair and personal grooming.

Yankees players will still have the freedom to grow out whatever creep show ‘stache they can, but every member of the team will now be required to begin shaving their genitals immediately and in full. Inspections will be held weekly in the clubhouse, and fines for non-compliance are expected to be stiff.

So you better cherish those mustaches, fellas. This summer looks like it’s gonna be barren and itchy.

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Whoa. ESPN Finally Gave Bill Simmons The Stanky Boot

140925_SNUT_Simmons.jpg.CROP.promo-mediumlarge

Despite the use of the word “whoa” in the headline, the fact that ESPN and their in-house agitator Bill Simmons will be “parting ways” when his contract expires is basically the least surprising news in the history of…history.

On Friday Morning, multiple sources, including the New York Times, reported that the Worldwide Leader and Simmons were unable to come to terms on an extension, despite months of negotiations.

Apparently ESPN president John Skipper says the decision is “about more than money.” Yeah, it’s probably more about the mutual disdain that has been building between the two sides as long as the partnership has existed.

It’s a wonder these bickering babies made it 15 years together.

Next up for ESPN? Absolutely nothing new—maybe a few more hours of Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith screaming at each other in between their scream-themed house music. But yeah, they don’t like to stray from formula much in Bristol.

Next up for Simmons? Spending the rest of his life doing everything he can to stick it to ESPN. Seriously. I don’t even know the guy and that’s a promise I feel comfortable making on his behalf.

Let’s just hope this thing gets as ugly as humanly possible–that way everyone wins.

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Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady, Recently Awarded Pants On Fire Award Too, Not That He Gives A Shit

Tom+Brady+Super+Bowl+XLIX+Winning+Team+Press+rY8hf5iHtTTl

My latest offering from BettingSports, offering commentary on Tom Brady’s literal laughable lack of commentary on the outcome of the ‘Deflategate’ investigation. His laughing off the whole report is almost certainly the last we’ll hear from Tommy Terrific on the issue.

http://www.bettingsports.com/super-bowl-mvp-tom-brady-recently-awarded-pants-on-fire-award-too-not-that-he-gives-a-shit/

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Paul Bissonnette’s ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Makes Yours Look Like A Pussy

Alright, Paul Bissonnette wins this ridiculous exercise in uselessness—and in epic fashion too. Go big or go fuck yourself, right? That’s not the official saying, but obviously it should be.

Screen Shot 2014-08-13 at 12.18.53 AM Screen Shot 2014-08-13 at 12.18.37 AMNow instead of doing this yourself and paling in comparison, consider making a donation to an ALS charity. Especially if you’re a terrible rich person who will need some help getting into heaven, like Roger Goodell.

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Darnell Dockett Doesn’t Support Dog Fights, But Apparently He Watches Them?

So...yeah...

So…yeah…

While looking through a few athlete Twitter feeds for something I was working on recently, I stumbled across this unfortunate tweet from Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett. He doesn’t provide any additional details in other tweets, so it’s fair to say I’m singling out this one out of context.

That being said, it’s hard to imagine he saw two separate pit bull dog fights outside the context of an actual dog fight. Although it’s equally hard to imagine he’d be very popular at a dog fight if he was legitimately acting to break up the animals.

Either way, the tweet is unsettling. Dockett is one of my favorite athlete follows on Twitter—probably because he enjoys nothing more than ruffling feathers, which is undeniably entertaining. But now I just can’t get the imagine of him being enthralled by the sight of two animals brutally attacking each other out of my head.

Hopefully it’s not as bad as it seems.

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PHOTOS: Steelers Great Chuck Noll Dies At Age 82, A Look Back At His Coaching Career

Chuck Noll

Pittsburgh Steelers' No. 1 draft choice Terry Bradshaw, right, poses with Steelers coach Chuck Noll, center, and his father, William M. Bradshaw, left, in Pittsburgh. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

Pittsburgh Steelers’ No. 1 draft choice Terry Bradshaw, right, poses with Steelers coach Chuck Noll, center, and his father, William M. Bradshaw, left, in Pittsburgh. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

The 1993 class of inductees poses with their busts in front of the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. From left are Dan Fouts, Larry Little, Chuck Noll, Walter and Bill Walsh. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Pittsburgh Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

The 1993 class of inductees poses with their busts in front of the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. From left are Dan Fouts, Larry Little, Chuck Noll, Walter and Bill Walsh. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Pittsburgh Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll, left, and Pittsburgh Mayor Richard Caliguiri pose with the mayoral proclamation making Friday, Dec. 21,1979, "Chuck Noll Day" in Pittsburgh. The day is to honor Noll, who won his 100th game as the NFL coach Sunday against the Buffalo Bills.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll, left, and Pittsburgh Mayor Richard Caliguiri pose with the mayoral proclamation making Friday, Dec. 21,1979, “Chuck Noll Day” in Pittsburgh. The day is to honor Noll, who won his 100th game as the NFL coach Sunday against the Buffalo Bills.

In this Jan. 13, 1975, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll holds Super Bowl trophy aloft before fans who greeted the team at the airport in Pittsburgh on the team's return from New Olreans. The Steelers won the first NFL football title in their 42 year history by defeating the Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IX. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

In this Jan. 13, 1975, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll holds Super Bowl trophy aloft before fans who greeted the team at the airport in Pittsburgh on the team’s return from New Orleans. The Steelers won the first NFL football title in their 42 year history by defeating the Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IX. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

In this Jan. 6, 1980, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll glances toward the scoreboard clock during the closing seconds of AFC championship game against the Houston Oilers in Pittsburgh. Noll's Steelers beat Houston, 27-13, to earn a berth in the NFL football Super Bowl. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

In this Jan. 6, 1980, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll glances toward the scoreboard clock during the closing seconds of AFC championship game against the Houston Oilers in Pittsburgh. Noll’s Steelers beat Houston, 27-13, to earn a berth in the NFL football Super Bowl. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll poses in the team?s executive offices in Pittsburgh, on Monday, Dec. 13, 1976 beside the trophy from Super Bowl IX, with the trophy of Super Bowl X in the background. The defending champions are preparing for Sunday?s AFC playoff game with the Baltimore Colts.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll poses in the team?s executive offices in Pittsburgh, on Monday, Dec. 13, 1976 beside the trophy from Super Bowl IX, with the trophy of Super Bowl X in the background. The defending champions are preparing for Sunday?s AFC playoff game with the Baltimore Colts.

Chuck Noll, head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers is shown in this 1971 photo.

Chuck Noll, head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers is shown in this 1971 photo.

Pittsburgh Steelers Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw, left, and former coach Chuck Noll chat before the Steelers game against the St. Louis Rams, Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003, in Pittsburgh. The two were among other former Steelers greats who took part in a celebration in honor of the Steelers playing the 1000th game in their history Sunday. The Steelers lost to the Rams, 33-21.

Pittsburgh Steelers Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw, left, and former coach Chuck Noll chat before the Steelers game against the St. Louis Rams, Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003, in Pittsburgh. The two were among other former Steelers greats who took part in a celebration in honor of the Steelers playing the 1000th game in their history Sunday. The Steelers lost to the Rams, 33-21.

The 1993 class of inductees pose with their busts in front of the Pro Football Hall of Fame Saturday, July 31, 1993, in Canton, Ohio. From left; Dan Fouts, Larry Little, Chuck Noll, Walter Payton and Bill Walsh.

The 1993 class of inductees pose with their busts in front of the Pro Football Hall of Fame Saturday, July 31, 1993, in Canton, Ohio. From left; Dan Fouts, Larry Little, Chuck Noll, Walter Payton and Bill Walsh.

Terry Bradshaw, quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, right, is shown with coach Chuck Noll in Dec. 1975 at an unknown location.

Terry Bradshaw, quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, right, is shown with coach Chuck Noll in Dec. 1975 at an unknown location.

Head coach Chuck Noll of the Pittsburgh Steelers watches the team limber up prior to workout in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, on Tuesday, afternoon, August 5, 1970. It was the first day of combined practice for veterans and rookies following settlement of the National Football League players-owners dispute. Steelers meet Miami, Saturday, night in an exhibition game in Jacksonville, Fla.

Head coach Chuck Noll of the Pittsburgh Steelers watches the team limber up prior to workout in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, on Tuesday, afternoon, August 5, 1970. It was the first day of combined practice for veterans and rookies following settlement of the National Football League players-owners dispute. Steelers meet Miami, Saturday, night in an exhibition game in Jacksonville, Fla.

Terry Bradshaw, top draft choice of the Pittsburgh Steelers, poses with coach Chuck Noll at a news conference in Pittsburgh, Pa., Feb. 13, 1970.  The Louisiana Tech quarterback is in Pittsburgh to discuss salary terms with the club.

Terry Bradshaw, top draft choice of the Pittsburgh Steelers, poses with coach Chuck Noll at a news conference in Pittsburgh, Pa., Feb. 13, 1970. The Louisiana Tech quarterback is in Pittsburgh to discuss salary terms with the club.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll talks to newsmen in Miami Sunday, Jan. 19, 1976 after his team defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 21-17, in Super Bowl X.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll talks to newsmen in Miami Sunday, Jan. 19, 1976 after his team defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 21-17, in Super Bowl X.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll smiles as he leans through a doorway at Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh Thursday, May 3, 1979 to talk to the media about the team's first draft choice, Greg Hawthorne of Baylor. Hawthorne, a running back, played only three games during his senior year.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll smiles as he leans through a doorway at Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh Thursday, May 3, 1979 to talk to the media about the team’s first draft choice, Greg Hawthorne of Baylor. Hawthorne, a running back, played only three games during his senior year.

Chuck Noll, right, hired by the Pittsburgh  Steelers in 1969, exchanges smiles with All-Pro defensive tackle Joe Greene, center, who some people called "Joe Who?" when  Noll made him his first draft choice after becoming head coach. Noll and Greene are taking the team to their Super Bowl.

Chuck Noll, right, hired by the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1969, exchanges smiles with All-Pro defensive tackle Joe Greene, center, who some people called “Joe Who?” when Noll made him his first draft choice after becoming head coach. Noll and Greene are taking the team to their Super Bowl.

 In this January 1980, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll, left, and quarterback Terry Bradshaw smile on picture day for the NFL football Super Bowl, in Fullerton, Calif. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

In this January 1980, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll, left, and quarterback Terry Bradshaw smile on picture day for the NFL football Super Bowl, in Fullerton, Calif. Noll, the Hall of Fame coach who won a record four Super Bowl titles with the Steelers, died Friday night, June 13, 2014, at his home. He was 82. The Allegheny County (Pa.) Medical Examiner said Noll died of natural causes.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll shows off Super Bowl XIV trophy to a crowd of about 1,000 at the Pittsburgh airport Monday night, Jan. 21, 1980. Most of the players, who are not in the Pro Bowl returned Monday night from Pasadena, where they beat the Rams 31-19 on Sunday.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll shows off Super Bowl XIV trophy to a crowd of about 1,000 at the Pittsburgh airport Monday night, Jan. 21, 1980. Most of the players, who are not in the Pro Bowl returned Monday night from Pasadena, where they beat the Rams 31-19 on Sunday.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll has a smile as he stood with arms folded on sidelines in a Pittsburgh Steelers game in 1978 with John Stallworth (82) and Lynn Swann (88).

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll has a smile as he stood with arms folded on sidelines in a Pittsburgh Steelers game in 1978 with John Stallworth (82) and Lynn Swann (88).

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll, center, posed with his quarterback corps before the opening of the Steelers summer school for quarterback May 23, 1977.  The men trying for the starting job are from left  Cliff Stoudt, Neil Graff, Noll, Terry Bradshaw, and Mike Krucze. For the next few days they will be busy reviewing old games films and learning the new play book.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll, center, posed with his quarterback corps before the opening of the Steelers summer school for quarterback May 23, 1977. The men trying for the starting job are from left Cliff Stoudt, Neil Graff, Noll, Terry Bradshaw, and Mike Krucze. For the next few days they will be busy reviewing old games films and learning the new play book.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll confers with quarterback Joe Gilliam, left, and wide receiver John Stallworth during Sunday, Sept. 29, 1975 game to Buffalo. Steelers lost 30-21 to the Buffalo Bills.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll confers with quarterback Joe Gilliam, left, and wide receiver John Stallworth during Sunday, Sept. 29, 1975 game to Buffalo. Steelers lost 30-21 to the Buffalo Bills.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll discusses a holding call with NFL official Ray Douglas in the fourth quarter of the Steelers' game with the Atlanta Falcons Saturday, Aug. 13, 1978 in Pittsburgh. On the disputed play a Steelers touchdown was called back because of a holding call on Bennie Cunningham. Douglas won the argument. Noll's team won the game, scoring the winning touchdown on the next play, a touchdown pass to Lynn Swann.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll discusses a holding call with NFL official Ray Douglas in the fourth quarter of the Steelers’ game with the Atlanta Falcons Saturday, Aug. 13, 1978 in Pittsburgh. On the disputed play a Steelers touchdown was called back because of a holding call on Bennie Cunningham. Douglas won the argument. Noll’s team won the game, scoring the winning touchdown on the next play, a touchdown pass to Lynn Swann.

Daniel Rooney, Dan Rooney, Peter Rozelle, Chuck Noll

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll is carried off the field after his team defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 35-31, in Super Bowl XIII in Miami on Sunday, Jan. 21, 1979.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll is carried off the field after his team defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 35-31, in Super Bowl XIII in Miami on Sunday, Jan. 21, 1979.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll poses with last year?s Super Bowl trophy in the team?s executive offices on Tuesday, Jan. 6, 1976 in Pittsburgh as the team prepares for the upcoming clash with the Dallas Cowboys. The wall hanging in the background is a diagram of an old Steelers play.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll poses with last year?s Super Bowl trophy in the team?s executive offices on Tuesday, Jan. 6, 1976 in Pittsburgh as the team prepares for the upcoming clash with the Dallas Cowboys. The wall hanging in the background is a diagram of an old Steelers play.

Regular Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback Terry Bradshaw, who broke his nose in the Baltimore game a week ago, gives advice to back-up quarterback Mike Kruczek during the Atlanta Falcons game, Aug. 14, 1978 in Pittsburgh. At right is head coach Chuck Noll. Kruczek sparked a fourth quarter rally to beat the Falcons 13-7, for the Steelers' second victory of the exhibition season.

Regular Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback Terry Bradshaw, who broke his nose in the Baltimore game a week ago, gives advice to back-up quarterback Mike Kruczek during the Atlanta Falcons game, Aug. 14, 1978 in Pittsburgh. At right is head coach Chuck Noll. Kruczek sparked a fourth quarter rally to beat the Falcons 13-7, for the Steelers’ second victory of the exhibition season.

In this Jan. 18, 1976, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll, center, leaves the field with Jim Allen (45) who holds up his finger indicating the Steelers are No. 1 after defeating the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 in Super Bowl X at the Orange Bowl in Miami.

In this Jan. 18, 1976, file photo, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll, center, leaves the field with Jim Allen (45) who holds up his finger indicating the Steelers are No. 1 after defeating the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 in Super Bowl X at the Orange Bowl in Miami.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll leaves the field after his Steelers defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 35-31, in  Super Bowl XIII in Miami Sunday, January 22, 1979.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll leaves the field after his Steelers defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 35-31, in Super Bowl XIII in Miami Sunday, January 22, 1979.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll confers with quarterback Joe Gilliam, left, and wide receiver John Stallworth during Sunday, Sept. 29, 1975 game to Buffalo. Steelers lost 30-21 to the Buffalo Bills.

Steelers coach Chuck Noll confers with quarterback Joe Gilliam, left, and wide receiver John Stallworth during Sunday, Sept. 29, 1975 game to Buffalo. Steelers lost 30-21 to the Buffalo Bills.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll, left, and quarterback Terry Bradshaw confer during a practice session at their Cal State Fullerton training camp, Thursday, Jan. 18, 1980.  They are preparing for their Sunday meeting with the Los Angeles Rams in the Super Bowl.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll, left, and quarterback Terry Bradshaw confer during a practice session at their Cal State Fullerton training camp, Thursday, Jan. 18, 1980. They are preparing for their Sunday meeting with the Los Angeles Rams in the Super Bowl.

Pittsburgh Steelers' head coach Chuck Noll poses with a list of first round draft pics during the National Football League's draft in Pittsburgh, Penn., Jan. 28, 1975.

Pittsburgh Steelers’ head coach Chuck Noll poses with a list of first round draft pics during the National Football League’s draft in Pittsburgh, Penn., Jan. 28, 1975.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll, right, and his defensive tackle Ernie Holmes pose with the championship Super Bowl IX trophy in the Steelers dressing room following their victory over the Minnesota Vikings, in Pittsburgh, in this  Jan. 14, 1975 file photo. Holmes, one of the anchors of Pittsburgh's "Steel Curtain" defense in the 1970s, died in a car crash  Thursday night Jan. 17, 2008 in Lumberton, Texas. He was 59.

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Chuck Noll, right, and his defensive tackle Ernie Holmes pose with the championship Super Bowl IX trophy in the Steelers dressing room following their victory over the Minnesota Vikings, in Pittsburgh, in this Jan. 14, 1975 file photo. Holmes, one of the anchors of Pittsburgh’s “Steel Curtain” defense in the 1970s, died in a car crash Thursday night Jan. 17, 2008 in Lumberton, Texas. He was 59.

This is a Jan. 19, 1979 file photo showing Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll holding the Vince Lombardi trophy during a pre-Super Bowl news conference in Miami. Planners may name a street to be built near the Pittsburgh Steelers' stadium after Chuck Noll, the coach who led the team to its first four Super Bowl wins.

This is a Jan. 19, 1979 file photo showing Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll holding the Vince Lombardi trophy during a pre-Super Bowl news conference in Miami. Planners may name a street to be built near the Pittsburgh Steelers’ stadium after Chuck Noll, the coach who led the team to its first four Super Bowl wins.

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Alabama’s Ha Ha Clinton-Dix Brought His Weed With Him To NYC

Screen Shot 2014-05-08 at 7.16.34 PM

This was posted a couple of hours ago to Twitter, just hours before Ha Ha Clinton-Dix is expected to be drafted in the first round.

Considering the unfortunate timing, expect the ridiculous cover stories to start coming any minute now.

UPDATE:

In the interest of truth in “journalism” (it’s in quotes because I recognize that my blog doesn’t actually qualify as such), apparently that’s just a rolled up tissue. I wish I could call bullshit, but it does look like he’s in a public dining room.

Sorry, Ha Ha.

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Mark Cuban Unfollowed Me On Twitter…Whatever

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As a Pittsburgh girl, born and bred, a fondness for Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is basically in my genes. Seriously! Good luck finding someone from Pittsburgh that doesn’t love the guy.

So when Shark Tank’s “notorious bad boy billionaire” started following me on Twitter in February 2013, needless to say I was pretty enthused—even though the story of how he came to know me wasn’t particularly pleasing.

If memory serves, I had posted an embarrassing drunken photo of him with some random girl at a bar and said something needlessly sarcastic and probably a little mean. Via Twitter DM Cuban explained to me that the photo was a billion years old and that my context for it was dead wrong.

Naturally,  responded like a groveling little worm, profusely apologizing and gushing about his greatness. (I know…)

I have no idea what's with the broken images.

I have no idea what’s with the broken images.

Thus began a beautiful one-sided Twitter relationship in which I told people Mark Cuban follows me and he completely ignored me. It lasted a glorious 15 months before abruptly coming to an end sometime in the last week, when my FindUnfollow iPhone app informed me of his defection.

I’m not going to lie—initially my feelings were hurt and my self-esteem suffered.

But as it turns out, that thing about time healing all wounds is actually true. Now that I’ve had a few days to acclimate to the fact that Cuban unfollowed me, the sting is gone. If anything, I’m kind of impressed that I was personally annoying enough to him on Twitter to prompt such an action.

So I guess he joins John Cusack on the list of celebrities that have found me personally objectionable enough to take action.

Awesome.

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