United States vs. Canada: 2 Countries Defined in 2 Photos

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The Miss Universe pageant was held on Saturday and Miss Venezuela won again. Their star fucking diseased dictator Hugo Chavez must have called in a few favors with Lucifer over the weekend, given this was their third title since 2008.

Honestly though, who the hell cares about this stupid beauty pageant. The real story wasn’t that Venezuela is obviously paying off Donald Trump in cheap toupees and bronzer to win favor, it was the national costumes worn by Miss USA and Miss Canada.

The pageant opens with the “Parade of National Costumes,” in which all 86 women saunter out in an elaborate costume that supposedly represents her country. Let’s see what the ladies came up with!

Oh Canada, my home and native land...

Oh Canada, my home and native land…

Miss Canada dressed as a…Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who happens to be carrying around a Canadian flag.

Literally the most literal interpretation (by far) of a country by a contestant this year. Maybe ever.

If this was her second idea, I imagine her first was dressing as a hockey player and carrying a crate of maple syrup.

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light...

Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light…

And this is what Miss USA dressed as!

That’s right! She dressed as Optimus Prime, a transformer from the big-budget Michael Bay monstrosity franchise Transformers. Because of course she did.

So what does Optimus Prime have to do with the United States?

Said Miss USA: “Nothing screams national costume like the first Miss USA transformer. … Embracing powerful women in a transforming country that’s made up of so much. That’s what Miss USA means to me.”

What the hell is she talking about? That’s crazy, incoherent and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

This is literally the most American thing that has ever happened. Ever. 

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is NOT a drill.

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is NOT a drill.

Yep. That pretty much sums up our two countries in a nutshell.

Now if you’ll please excuse me…

This is how we celebrate an assassination in America!

This is how we celebrate an assassination in America!

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Comments

  1. Reblogueó esto en El Noticiero de Alvarez Gallosoy comentado:
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  2. Amber:

    Thanks for your comments. Even though I am a man, beauty contests have lost their spark for a long time. Today’s beauty contests are in bad taste and Miss USA’s uniform is a big example [along with Miss Canada].

    If you do not mind me saying this [not for flattery but reality], you represent America because your writings [paraphrasing another American Icon Gloria Steinem] tell the truth even if it pisses off other people.

    My best wishes because I have to tend a phone call from a best friend from high school in Venezuela [I graduated from an American School in Venezuela]. He just tole me that his store was taken over by Maduro [Another fu…. a…hole who replaced Chavez as dictator.

  3. Unless your readers are bionic dykes, I would think the Canadian is much hotter.

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