The Miss Universe pageant was held on Saturday and Miss Venezuela won again. Their star fucking diseased dictator Hugo Chavez must have called in a few favors with Lucifer over the weekend, given this was their third title since 2008.
Honestly though, who the hell cares about this stupid beauty pageant. The real story wasn’t that Venezuela is obviously paying off Donald Trump in cheap toupees and bronzer to win favor, it was the national costumes worn by Miss USA and Miss Canada.
The pageant opens with the “Parade of National Costumes,” in which all 86 women saunter out in an elaborate costume that supposedly represents her country. Let’s see what the ladies came up with!
Miss Canada dressed as a…Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who happens to be carrying around a Canadian flag.
Literally the most literal interpretation (by far) of a country by a contestant this year. Maybe ever.
If this was her second idea, I imagine her first was dressing as a hockey player and carrying a crate of maple syrup.
And this is what Miss USA dressed as!
That’s right! She dressed as Optimus Prime, a transformer from the big-budget Michael Bay monstrosity franchise Transformers. Because of course she did.
So what does Optimus Prime have to do with the United States?
Said Miss USA: “Nothing screams national costume like the first Miss USA transformer. … Embracing powerful women in a transforming country that’s made up of so much. That’s what Miss USA means to me.”
What the hell is she talking about? That’s crazy, incoherent and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
This is literally the most American thing that has ever happened. Ever.
Yep. That pretty much sums up our two countries in a nutshell.
Now if you’ll please excuse me…
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!