Image via Twitter: @PamelaDAnderson

Image via Twitter: @PamelaDAnderson

Given the stunningly wide array of dirtbags rapidly aging Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson has intercoursed over the years, it’s actually almost impressive that she’s only been married four times. At least it would be, if two of those marriages hadn’t been to certified scuzzbucket, Rick Salomon, who has also been married four times.

That’s not to say that Anderson’s previous dating/marriage record is anything to brag about—it’s really not. Her marriage to rocker Tommy Lee resulted in a couple of kids, a divorce and, potentially, hepatitis C. Her marriage to hillbilly rocker Kid Rock resulted in divorce and, mostly likely, countless Jeff Foxworthy punchlines.

This happened. Sadly.

This happened. Sadly.

But Rick Salomon is an entirely different beast. For anyone not familiar with Salomon’s “work,” here are a few highlights off his Wikipedia page, which he mostly likely wrote himself. That’s giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he’s not completely illiterate—a pretty big leap. You’re welcome, Rick.

Now, according to Wikipedia, Rick Salomon is a “film producer and celebutante known for his relationships with various female celebrities.” First of all, “celebutante” is a synonym for Hilton or Kardashian, which means famous for being famous. So there’s that.

As for his “film producer” credit, it seems to be limited to 1 Night in Paris, the dimly lit sex tape he shot with his ex-girlfriend, dimwitted socialite Paris Hilton. Making him solely responsible for unleashing the human plague of locusts best known as the Hilton family (women) on the world. Thanks, Rick.

So did this. ::Barf::

So did this. ::Barf::

Then there are, of course, his other “celebrity” exes. Aside from Hilton, you’ve got former French model Devon Aoki, aging Playboy centerfold Nicole Marie Lenz, “glamour” model Rachel Sterling and Stefani Morgan who is, naturally, a former porn star.

Oh! And according to Morgan’s Wikipedia page, “her current whereabouts are unknown.” I have no way of verifying that information—a quick Google search failed me—but I also have no way of verifying that Salomon wasn’t directly involved with the disappearance of a beloved porn star.

The most famous of his exes is “bad girl” Shannen Doherty, who played Brenda Walsh in Beverly Hills 90210 and completely dropped off the face of the Earth after dicking her way off the show in 1994. Then she inexplicably got another chance with Charmed years later, and proceeded to dick her way off that show too.

Salomon and Doherty got hitched in 2002, promising to love and cherish each other until death do they part. Well, death or annulment do they part. The newlyweds had their blessed union annulled just nine months later. Not that I can blame…either of them.

So gay people can't marry in some states, but these two can? Alright.

So gay people can’t marry in some states, but these two can? Alright.

Which brings us to Ms. (or Mrs?) Pamela Anderson, who I had no idea had even been married to Salomon previously until news broke of their REmarrying.

Apparently these idiots got hitched in Las Vegas back in 2007; at the time Anderson would only identify her “fiancé” as a “poker player.” Makes sense. Suppose it does have a nicer ring to it than “the co-star of Paris Hilton’s grody sex tape.”

It didn’t take Anderson long to realize she made the biggest mistake of her life; she filed for divorce just 10 weeks later, citing “irreconcilable differences.” Proving that, while Pamela Anderson is most definitely older, she certainly isn’t any flipping wiser.

The soulless celebrity pimps over at People magazine reported over the weekend that Anderson and Salomon recently remarried and are “very happy.” Last October “Anderson revealed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that they were back togethers as ‘best friends…both benefits.’”

These crazy middle-aged “kids” decided to REmarry their respective fuck buddies! Best idea ever. Meaning it was most definitely the fourth marriage for both and the last for neither. Unless one of them dies soon…which could happen.

Enjoy it while it lasts, kids. Because it won't be long.

Enjoy it while it lasts, kids. Because it won’t be long.

Congrats, idiots who are both closing in on 50! Enjoy the honeymoon…that is probably already over. The rest of us will enjoy the divorce.


  1. I remember when Pam Anderson was the most famous Canadian on Earth. Kinda made me sad for my country…

    I’ve been trying to bring back “grody” for quite some time. Hopefully your usage of that awesome term helps! :)

    Entertaining read as always, Amber!

    1. she has definitely lost that shine she used to have. I seriously can’t believe she married that douche for a second time. I bet they’re already separated.

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