THIS (And Only This) Is Why You Shouldn’t Get “MURDER” Tattooed On Your Neck

SUCH a good idea in theory

SUCH a good idea in theory

Listen. I think we can all agree that getting “MURDER” tattooed across your entire neck sounds like an amazing idea—one with little to no chance of regret down the line.

Seriously! What could go wrong? As long as you don’t actually get charged with murder and have to face a jury of your stuffy peers, who you know won’t appreciate the irony, that tattoo guarantees nothing but a lifetime of happiness and success.

In the case of Kansas man Jeffrey Chapman, unfortunately things went terribly awry. You can bet he’s now a firm believer in Murphy’s Law—the notion that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong—because that’s exactly what happened to him.

Chapman smartly decided to get his giant “MURDER” neck tattoo (actually, it’s a “REDRUM” tattoo, because apparently the only person he was trying to please with that thing was himself) and then, wouldn’t you know it, dude got charged with murder.

Suddenly it’s looking like a slightly less inspired idea.

The defense attorney for Chapman, who has been charged with murdering a man and leaving his body on the side of the road where it was found by hunters, recently filed a motion requesting that his client’s, otherwise tasteful and appropriate, tattoo be neither seen nor mentioned in the upcoming trial.

Chapman’s attorney notes that it is unduly prejudicial and cannot be easily hidden with clothing. Which means they’re asking for the prosecutor be barred from mentioning the ink and requesting a licensed tattoo artist (who has already been secured by the defense) be permitted to go to the jail and cover it up with something less…prejudicial.

Good luck.

Because the State wouldn’t be bringing the case to trial if Chapman’s ridiculous neck tattoo was a major piece of “evidence,” the prosecutor “does not oppose the defendant from covering his tattoo using clothing, bandage or other means compliant with jail policy.”

As it turns out, licensed tattoo artists are forbidden from conducting their business in Kansas jails. Who knew? The county sheriff opposes allowing a tattoo artist into the jail to work some magic—he also opposes the request allowing Chapman to be transported to a tattoo facility.

If that wasn’t enough, earlier this month Chapman’s attorney filed a motion requesting a change of venue for the trial, insisting the pre-trial publicity would preclude the possibility of his client receiving a fair trial. And it just gets better—opinions posted on websites and Facebook were entered as evidence.

And you thought nobody was reading your inflammatory nonsense in the comment sections of local websites!

Despite being a dangerous lowlife, Chapman has obviously got himself a decent lawyer. As hilarious as this whole thing is, there is absolutely no way I’d find this dude not guilty of murder, given what I’ve read about him—read about him online…and on his own damn neck.

Maybe if the judge doesn’t allow him to have the tattoo removed, he or she will let him get it covered up with “LIFE IN PRISON, NO PAROLE.”

h/t to the NY Daily News for always having the best stories—the best, Jerry! The best!

Here are few tattoos that would be LESS prejudicial in a murder trial:

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Comments

  1. You should so include a picture of Omaha’s favorite tattooed murderer, Nikko Jenkins. Oh, here: http://www.ketv.com/news/nikko-jenkins-i-need-mental-health-treatment/21810918

  2. I think the best thing about this already excellent story is the slideshow at the end which has taught me that there are at least two people out there who thought getting “Fuck You” tattooed on their foreheads was a good idea. :)

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