Craigslist remains one of the greatest sources of accidental comedy on the interwebs. Recently I was perusing the “for sale” section, hoping to find a great deal on an underrated gem and provide it a loving new home.
As is almost always the case, I found mostly outdated Ikea garbage that I wouldn’t want if it was brand new, let alone used by strangers. But there was one gem—the cow hair ottoman chair seat.
Not a gem that I would ever pay $200 for or actually put in my house—in fact, I wouldn’t put this thing in my house if the seller paid me $200—but a gem nonetheless. Everything about the listing is perfection.
1. Strange capitalization and a lack of punctuation really sets the tone. The tone being crazy.
2. The only thing more stunning than the seller’s asking price for the hair chair is the fact that he paid (or claims to have paid) $500 for it to begin with.
3. The “really beautiful” hair chair is “priced to sell”—CASH ONLY, deadbeats.
4. The person who owns a $500 hair chair doesn’t like dealing with “flakey ppl.”
5. “Stunning back cow hair” is definitely the most accurate part of this whole thing—I am definitely stunned.
6. I love that he captured the cube from several different angles, despite it being a cube and looking the exact same from all of them.
Of course, the seller saved the best for last.
Describing the cube cow hair chair as a “conversation piece” is really attracted my interest, after the initial sticker shock wore off. It made me wonder about the seller and the weirdo life he or she (I’m thinking it’s a he) lives.
My thought is that he probably doesn’t have a whole lot of friends and most of his conversations at home go something like this:
Guest: What’s the deal with this hairy cube?
Seller: It’s a cow hair ottoman.
Best conversation ever. I think I’m going to email this warlock and see if I can find out a little bit about the man behind the hair chair.
I didn’t want to end up an accent lampshade that goes perfectly with a cow hair ottoman, so I decided not to menace the socially awkward weirdo. But the furniture gods brought us back together this weekend when I was perusing Craigslist for bargain furniture that I knew I’d never find.
As it turns out, the cow hair “conversation piece” ottoman is still for sale. When I wrote about it in April it had been for sale for more than 30 days, which means it’s now been for sale for at least 90 days. That’s a pretty long time to be posting the same classified ad without dropping the price so much as a nickel.
Not only is he still trying to sell that overpriced horror show, he’s so passionately committed to finding it a new home that he reposts the ad pretty much every day. At this point, I’m considering offering this guy $200 just to throw it in the trash.