When it comes to the Kim Kardashian Klan (or KKK, ironically) there are few things that those publicity hungry hags can do that have the ability to surprise me. Then again, I’d be lying if I said I knew much of anything about anyone in the family besides Kim.
I know that Kourtney is the mother of two that allows herself to be denigrated by a horrifying man whose mere existence makes the world a worse place. I know that Khloe is the giant one who may or may not have the same father and/or fertility issues. And I know that the two young slutty ones are far too young to be so young and so slutty.
I also know Bruce Jenner hates the shit out of Jimmy Fallon and it’s amazing.
I don’t watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians, nor have I ever seen even a single episode of any of their hundreds of spinoff series. Unfortunately they’ve become so prevalent in pop culture that it’s damn near impossible to avoid them entirely. Who knew a big butt and a sex tape could get an entire family this far in life?
A fortune built on the blood money of a dead lawyer and huge ass. Only in America.
Of all the issues in the Kardashian family, parenting is a major one. So naturally “patient zero,” that being Kim, decided it was imperative to spawn a child with Kanye West—a creative genius, but perhaps the world’s biggest narcissist. Actually, more like the world’s second biggest narcissist, next to the mother of his child.
I bet nobody gets to finish a sentence in that relationship. “Enough about me, let’s talk about me.”
When it was revealed that Kim and Kanye were dating, the news was met with a resounding “Yeah…that makes sense.”
When they visited Brazil and posed as Christ underneath the famous statue in Rio de Janeiro, the news was met with a resounding “Wow…what assholes.”
When it was reported that they were expecting a child together, the news was met with a resounding “Jesus Christ, this is going to be such a fucking shit show.”
Well, it was a shit show, just as Kim had intended. She was on the cover of the weekly tabloids during the entire length of her pregnancy. The fact that she ballooned up to the size of a monster truck became the subject of much debate, followed by the public being chastised from the family for daring to talk about talk about her weight.
God forbid she stay home one day in her entire life instead of getting dressed up like a slutty pregnant clown and wandering the streets of Los Angeles. That would just be too much to ask, because if she’s not doing that, she ceases to exist. Kim would rather you be talking about her weight than not talking about her at all. Like the proverbial tree falling in the woods.
She hooked up with Kanye West and made headlines. She got pregnant and made headlines. She got fat as hell and made headlines. And now she’s had a baby and made headlines. The newest headline came courtesy of a baby name that only Kim Kardashian and Kanye West could come up with—North West.
North West is a direction, not a name.
Obviously West, by itself, is actually a name or a direction. But when paired with another direction, it’s just a direction.
Although, the fact that they didn’t name the baby something that begins with a “K” shows that motherhood has really matured Kim already. Sike! She’s still the same dead-behind-the-eyes human shill with a big ass and a sex tape who would sell nothing short of her soul for one more click a camera pointed in her direction that she always was.
In short, all is right with the world. Sorta.