This is an embarrassing post that I’m forced to write because I made a very bad drunken television decision last week and that I will more than likely remember on my death bed. Late last week my boyfriend and I were inexcusably drunk for a weekday and scouring the TV looking for something that suited our overall state of mind.
It’s hard to say exactly what we were looking for, but like the late Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said about hard-core pornography, I figured that we’d know it when we saw it. After flipping through channels for what seemed like hours, I landed on the Showtime “reality show” Gigolos—a move that we would both come to regret.
It was one of those things that you put on because you think it’s going to be hilarious, but find it impossible to turn off when you find out it’s actually a grotesque display of human behavior that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Anyone who watched HBO’s Real Sex in the 90′s knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Naturally I assumed a show about gigolos in Las Vegas was going to be moderately vulgar, but I wasn’t really prepared for the depths of depravity to which that plague on humanity would sink. Instead of changing the channel like a normal person, I rushed to the television with my iPhone to take pictures of what we were witnessing. It’s almost as if I wouldn’t have believed it the next day otherwise.
The staged situation on the show that night was gigolo Star Gantt was meeting up with a middle aged “event planner.” The “event planner” was not unattractive for her age, but she had an extremely peculiar fetish—homegirl likes clown sex. Since menacing clowns at children’s parties would probably land her in jail, she decided to go the gigolo route.
The next 10 minutes of television is kind of a blur. I remember saying “Oh…my…God…” a lot and asking my boyfriend if he was seeing what I was seeing. Newsflash! He was…and he hated me for it. He also hated me for emailing him some photos to wake up to before we went to bed.
To say that I regretted perusing the photos on my camera roll the next morning, while nursing the hangover from hell, would be an understatement. But ultimately I decided to keep them in case the guy did something ridiculous—like get arrested! And, naturally he just that.
I didn’t have to wait long for the payoff because it turns out that Steven Gantt was arrested on September 2nd (MY BIRTHDAY) by the Las Vegas La Joda (police) after being pulled over for speeding. In the least shocking news ever, it turned out that Mr. Gantt had a warrant out for his arrest for Open and Gross Lewdness.
So it definitely wasn’t the best Labor Day Weekend ever for male whorebag Steven Gantt, but on the bright side: He didn’t get a speeding ticket!
Oh, and if clown sex is your thing…and jeezus I hope it’s not…I’ve got PLENTY of NSFW pictures in my clown sex archives.